President George W. Bush has met his match face

to face for the first time. Originally from Kingoolie

in Western Australia, Abel N Willin has been taking

the President�s place on each and every occasion

where there was a threat to Bush�s wellbeing and

security from foreign sources but mostly from his

fellow Americans.This has meant two-faced Willin

doppleganging for the President on all except three

occasions as, since his inauguration, Bush has

stayed locked in a cupboard.Abel said :�The hardest

part was trying to act as dumb as the real President

and screwing things up in the way that only he can.�

OK, so you thought this would be another page of Le Kiosk, well it isn�t as I have decided to settle a score with myself in not having, earlier in my life, exercised my right to be an obstinate, obnoxious, weird and slightly unbalanced person. (Some might say I already have).

I just want to sound off at all the things I see wrong with �todays� world.

1. The mobile phone - A great invention if used as a telephone and not as an all singing all dancing music, TV, game machine, camera and device for extorting cash from kids, teenagers and adults who have no real aim in life.

2. The computer - another immensley powerful educational and informative device which could help to shape the next generation. This noble goal is only spoiled by the computer being used as a games machine, for pornographic proliferation, and just another means of talking to people without meeting them

3. The justice system - which seems to have taken on an uncontrolable life of its own, where the victims are the guilty ones, and those who commit the crimes are not even punished, but rewarded for not being allowed to carry on unhindered with the systematic abuse and deprevation of the average good citizen.

4. The Government - for thinking that being in power without an adequate opposition gives it the right to trample on people�s rights, remove their freedoms, and tax every extra hard won penny. Also for eroding our freedom and national identity by granting foreigners more rights than it grants to its citizens and allowing major decisions affecting all our lives to be made by Europeans who have no idea what a privilege it is, or should be, to be born British and hold British values.

Also for manipulating our education system to allow parents to think their children have been well educated because a piece of paper says so, when in fact the children have lost any values their parents might have bestowed on them, had they been allowed to do so by the Government, and they go out into the world ill equipped and lacking in educational expertise and moral values.

5. The British People - for allowing themselves to be co-erced, led, manipulated and hoodwinked to ignoring the acceptance of moral, spiritual and honest values in favour of a loosley moraled consumer led state of �individual freedom� which will see us being overrun by the forces we have unleashed by opening our doors to the world.

Did Adolf Hitler escape the bunker alive and flee to South America ?

This photograph, taken by an explorer in the rain forest, is believed to be of Adolf Hitler, now 117 years old. When approached, he said �Has anyvun zeen my Eva - she vent out from ze bunker to try und vind some brockvurst und she has not yet come back.�

The man spoke with a thick German accent and was being cared for by a group of giant pigmies. As they carried him back into the dense jungle he was last heard to mutter, �Vere iz mien brockvurst ?�

Despite further searches the unknown tribe could not be located, notwithstanding the best efforts of the explorer�s guide, Martin Borman who said he would be willing to pursue the hunt for the mysterious jungle figure on receipt of a fee of 1,000,000 deutchmarks.

Canberra - Thursday

Proud Aussies were last night showing off their

latest acquisition - The Eiffel Tower.

It had been bought secretly by Sydney trillionaire Rufus Abadgersarse after he paid his first visit to Paris, in fact his first and only excursion from his secret home and business headquarters twenty seven miles west of Alice Springs.

Captivated by the Eiffel Tower he arranged the purchase with French President Jaques Toilette for a sum rumoured to be 20 billion dollars. He then had the

tower shrouded in plastic and dismantled, before

shipping it to his new home in Sydney where it was re-assembled.

While this was being donePresident Toilette

resigned his presidency and left for an unknown destination after opening a Swiss bank account.

When it was discovered the tower was missing the

blame was firmly put at the door of magician David

Copperfield who was performing in Paris at that time. He had already made the Statue of Liberty and the Taj Mahal disappear.

The Surete are investigating the legality of the sale.